Hot Tub & Pool Confidence or Lack Thereof

General
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Just spent two nights at a mid level resort hotel in upstate NY.

Upon my 2pm arrival on Wednesday, it was 78 and sunny so I put on my Hunk swim thong put on my board shorts over and walked down to the outdoor pool which is overlooked by balconies from half of the rooms. At the pool, there was one couple chatting just inside the entrance and two couples on their balconies plus a few maintenance people spreading mulch around the pool. I said a friendly hello to the couple at the pool, they responded pleasantly and I set up in a chaise lounge about 30 feet away, stripped down and laid out face up. Shortly thereafter two ladies arrived and went in the pool and got some exercise. After about a half hour I wanted to turn over and sun my buns but lost confidence. Two more couples show up and set up about 25 feet from me. No way am I turning over now (epic fail). After about an hour, I was roasting so I put on my board shorts and went into the pool for 10 minutes and left shortly thereafter feeling a bit unconfident.

The resort also had an outdoor hot tub but that was on other side of hotel next to indoor pool. Last night I went and checked it and no one was in it. Great! Go and get my Skinz M67 on, pull the board shorts on and head back over and see that the hot tub now has two women getting in it. I chicken out and go back to room.

This morning, I check again…no one in it. Get changed and head back over and now there is one person in tub FaceTime chatting with someone on his phone.

I say now or never as I needed to check out in a hour so I strip off my board shorts and climb in wearing my black Skinz M67 ( god it is skimpy!) and the guy chatting doesn’t miss a beat as he is too distracted by the phone.

After 20 minutes or so, I exit the tub and go to sit on the bench to put my shorts and flip flops back on. The guy at this point notices my thong and says to the FaceTime person he needs to go to the sauna in a foreign language and leaves pretty quickly.

At this point, I am a bit embarrassed as I feel like a creeper which is not my intention at all. I simply want to build my confidence wearing one publicly and get more people use to seeing guys in one and not be afraid or embarrassed to engage them in a normal, adult conversation.

I have good confidence when on a beach but loose a lot of it when I am In close quarters around a pool or hot tub. Bummer!

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It’s why I still ask dress code rules any place I visit. As long as there’s no policy against them, and management has no issues that’s the only time I will just take off shorts and “expose” myself wearing thongs and g strings. I wore a tiny t-string in Puerto Rico.
It’s as bare minimum as can be. I asked the rental property owner if there was any restrictions and they said no.

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When I went to the hot tub last night and saw the two women getting in, one had a modest thong on beneath her mesh sarong/coverup so I thought “ I’m ok”when I built up the confidence to go in this morning.

Perhaps I shocked the guy or maybe he was already on his way to the sauna and it was just a coincidence that he left after I got out of the tub.

Asking is probably a safe bet, but seems so awkward given how many women wear next to nothing…

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My advice is to do what makes you comfortable and feels appropriate for the situation.

That said, I’ve too often erred on the side of putting other people’s feelings ahead of my own. Before wearing a thong, I usually ask myself three things:

  1. Is it okay to wear a thong?
  2. Will someone be offended?
  3. If so, will they complain to me or an authority figure?

I’ve written before about how I determine whether or not it’s okay, so I won’t rehash that here. TL;DR: establishments that want to ban thongs usually do, and while some rules leave room for discretion, I assume it’s okay if thongs aren’t specifically banned.

While it’s always possible someone might be offended, I don’t think it’s inappropriate to wear thong swimwear. People prefer different amounts of coverage—we can all coexist. I used to worry a lot about what other people might think; I still do, just to a lesser degree. The reality is I can’t control how others think or feel, and I try not to let that dictate what I wear.

The third question is the one that still sometimes gives me pause. I don’t care if someone thinks badly of me or shares those thoughts with others. It might sting in the moment if I’m aware of it, but it doesn’t really matter. I don’t seek out confrontation. Ideally, my choice of swimwear is met with indifference. Even if someone doesn’t like what I’m wearing, the vast majority of people aren’t going to say anything to me directly. I try not to worry about it. But what if they complain to a manager, lifeguard, etc.?

Authority figures are generally obligated to respond to complaints. If we’re in a public space and I’m not breaking the law—which should be clear about what is and isn’t allowed because it needs to hold up in court—I don’t expect those complaints to ever get back to me. Private spaces with their own rules could go either way. However, as long as I’m not flaunting the rules (i.e., wearing a thong when the rules expressly forbid them), at most I’d expect a manager or someone similar to politely ask me to wear something else. There’s always the possibility for a situation to escalate, but if it does, it’ll be because the other party is acting inappropriately. If I’m asked to change, I’ll just apologize, explain that I thought it was okay according to the rules, and agree to wear something else or leave.

No one has ever complained to me directly. On one occasion, someone complained to a manager about what I was wearing. The manager politely asked me to wear something else, and I did. Later, based on changing attitudes and other members’ desire to wear similarly minimal swimwear, they decided to revise their policy. I wear thongs at that facility regularly now.

The fact that you’re so concerned about how other people feel demonstrates empathy. I think it’s wise to consider others’ feelings—but don’t let it stop you from being your genuine self.

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CambridgeGuy’s Rule applies double to swimming pools and hot tubs. :slightly_smiling_face:

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If women wear thongs or more revealing clothes then it’s an automatic yes I will wear one. Otherwise I won’t live by other people’s moral codes. If it’s legal, they can deal with it.

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This is good advice, Sam.

I made sure kids weren’t around and I looked to see what others wore (woman in a thong night before). With that said, I think at this exact point in time, a guy wearing a thong is going to raise some eyebrows regardless of where one is in the US - except maybe on certain alternative lifestyle friendly places.

At an adults only resort in the Caribbean others will notice but will not be surprised nor say anything. Around New England, they will notice AND will be STUNNED, and may react negatively unfortunately.

During my next trip, I will try and ask a front desk clerk if thongs are restricted. Even if they say they are fine to wear, it still doesn’t prevent others from feeling creeped out, which is unfortunate.

What the US needs are a few, well known manly guys (athlete, celebrity) to get photographed wearing a thong at a beach or to a pool and then I think we will gradually see public opinion change.

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Life is too short to worry about what other people think. The best advice I can give anyone (male or female) who wants to wear a thong/g-string at a resort, pool, cruise, etc. is to ask what the policy is prior to staying. The answer dictates whether I wear a thong or g-string and even whether or not I stay. If policy allows it, own it, no need to hide or visit amenities at non-peak times. If confronted by another guest, be polite/nice, inform them that you are within property rules, and wish them a nice day.

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More great advice. Thank you.

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I also agree, life is too short. You were doing nothing wrong but enjoying the sun. I did the same this past February in Key West, woman and her husband were laying out in the sun, in the few chairs that had complete exposure to the rays. I just asked if the lounge next to them was free. They said yes and I just said don’t mind me but I’m here to get tan as much as possible. Hopefully my suit doesn’t bother you, it was a very narrow side, pouch enhancing thong. They said no problem, we talked and had pleasant conversation. When I got hot and wanted to go do a dip in the pool, I just joked and said you’re going to see even more of me. Mind you she was in a bikini and he was in board shorts. When I came back I laid on my stomach to tan and we continued to talk. Ran into them several times that trip and I think they really didn’t care what I had on.

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Give yourself some grace! You tried, and that’s an important first step. It’s tough to take the risk. Sure, it should be a nonissue, but we know it isn’t. I definitely struggle with having the confidence to wear a thong (or even a Speedo) in most settings.

Don’t overthink the guy leaving when you got out in your thong. He probably was going to move on regardless, and if the sight of a man wearing a swim thong and minding his own business was enough to send him running, that says a lot more about his body issues and insecurities than it does about you. I have no doubt that you were behaving appropriately.

I am a member of a clothing optional group in the city, and we have socials at members’ pools during the summer. A new member came and told me that he really wanted to go nude but was nervous, so I suggested that the next week, he get there a bit earlier, hop in the pool with his trunks on, and then remove them. That could be a strategy for you in the scenarios you describe; hop in the pool or hot tub with something covering your thong, remove that layer, and place it on the edge of the pool/hot tub. Then you can put it back on before getting out of the water if you feel uncomfortable in just your thong. Good luck!

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Do you often get a direct “yes” or “no” answer?

I’ve mostly stopped asking, because the response is typically (paraphrasing), “We don’t have a dress code, but we reserve the right to judge the appropriateness of patrons’ swimwear.” If they emphasize that it’s a family environment, I take that to mean that they’ll side with any parents that might complain, but otherwise won’t enforce a dress code.

It’s understandable; they can’t create rules for every possibility. If they say thongs are okay and someone shows up in one they deem to be too revealing, now they have to walk back their previous statement. It’s easier to simply say, “Appropriate swimwear is required.”

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I’d say it’s been 50/50. There is no pattern.

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I should add that I always ask with who I’m speaking with and an ambiguous answer is a no and ask to speak to someone who can provide clarity. Always polite and respectful.

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Last week I had the day off and purchased a resort pass to the Sheraton Lake Buena Resort here in Orlando. When I got there the pool was pretty empty so I stripped down to my Joe Snyder thong. It was a non issue. There were a few people on the other side of the pool but it was no big deal.
Later on since the pool was pretty empty I decided to go down to a Bruno gstring which is pretty tiny. It was no big deal. I walked to the pool got in and relaxed.
It was funny later though when I got up from my chair to return some towels to the towel station there were three people on the other side of the pool who saw my gstring and you could clearly hear one of them say Wow. It was actually a confidence booster. When in doubt take the chance and just do it.

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A local public outdoor pool recently opened for the season. Went for a quick visit today since the weather is nice. After checking in, I asked the people working if any rules had changed from last year. Rather than openly ask about thong policy, they know who I am and have been going the past two years. It was very busy with families, plenty of kids out of school. I stayed away, kept to myself, and swam laps as I normally do. Nobody had an issue. An occassional stare from some but nobody complained.

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@floridathonger … I’ve only received negative comments from someone who were in poor physical shape. I’ve received positive comments from people who were in better shape than me.

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This morning I called a resort hotel I had been considering staying at and after cluing in the manager that we were looking for an adults only type getaway he went through his list of amenities that cater to adults: late night bar/club, day spa, high end restaurant and of course multiple hot tubs and an indoor/outdoor pool which is situated away from the main complex near an outcropping of rooms that appeal to couples.

I then asked if thongs were permitted in the hot tub and pool and he said “Well sort of. You are free to wear them in the pool and hot tub but when you exit the pool, we ask that you wear one of the robes we provide as we are a family resort.” My guess is if no one else is around it would be a non-issue but if there are a bunch of kids at the pool they understandably want you to cover up.

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That seems reasonable. The same rules applied during my last visit to Cancun at the Riu Palace Peninsula, and Playa del Carmen at Paradisus La Perla. In Cancun, that rule was broken by many women. They often wore mesh, see through beach pants or casually walked around the pool area wearing just their thong bikini.

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