The Complaint Ratio

General
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The manager at my gym recently decided to walk back the swimwear policy in the adults-only, coed area located between the locker rooms, which includes a sauna, steam room, and hot tub. I’ve been a member for going on two decades. Shortly before the pandemic lockdowns, I was asked to wear more modest swimwear; I’ve always tried to be respectful, so I politely complied. When I eventually returned, I asked if the policy had been reconsidered and got the okay to wear thongs in that area again. I’ve done so for almost two years, but it seems recent feedback has caused management to change their mind once more, and I’ve been asked to change my attire.

My first instinct is always to push back. Thong swimwear isn’t offensive, and neither is my body. I don’t even buy that the person complaining is truly offended; they’re a bit like the class tattle-tale. There’s no personal benefit to them other than the satisfaction of controlling someone else’s behavior. But I know pushing back is futile. Even the most well-reasoned argument rarely changes a manager’s mind once a decision has been made.

“This job would be great if it wasn’t for the f***ing customers.”
— Randal Graves (Clerks, 1994)

The “complaint ratio”—the number of people complaining versus the number of people being complained about—governs a lot of decision-making at private establishments. Regardless of a manager’s personal stance, they will usually side with the complainer unless that person is significantly outnumbered. A complaint about a loud table in a noisy dive bar will almost certainly be ignored; however, a similar complaint in a quiet, upscale restaurant will likely result in staff asking the noisy patrons to lower their volume.

Compounding the problem is the fact that most people dislike being uncomfortable (which is why it takes a certain type of person to complain in the first place). Quickly resolving that discomfort—and avoiding it in the future—is the primary driver of most people’s decision-making. The problem for those of us who prefer minimal swimwear is that we’re virtually always on the wrong side of that ratio.

Situations like this leave me feeling helpless. By merely bringing me into the discussion, the manager has signaled that they view the complaint as legitimate and are willing to deal with a second angry person—one who could ultimately decide to terminate a long-term membership. Whether I change my behavior or storm off in a huff, their immediate problem is resolved. I chose to comply.

I wish I could end this on a more positive note, but the reality of these situations is often frustrating. However, there are a few things I tell myself. Perhaps they’ll help you too.

  1. You don’t owe anyone a justification for your swimwear preferences.
  2. Don’t bother arguing with people who have already made up their mind. It won’t change the outcome.
  3. Don’t apologize when you haven’t done anything wrong.
  4. Through your actions, make it clear that you are the reasonable person helping them resolve an uncomfortable situation with the unreasonable person who complained.

Most importantly, keep wearing thongs. That’s the only way we ever shift the ratio.

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Frustrating, but, like someone once said, “don’t focus on the one reason why you shouldn’t, focus on the 99 reasons you should”.

Karens will always exist, but each year there are fewer and fewer of them. But let’s do our part: let’s behave like normal people, friendly, minding our own business. This being done the general public already has accepted us, even if we don’t look like Greek gods.

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Sooo frustrating for you. Totally understand the position you took. The only thing that might have caused me to challenge the manager was if there were females in thongs using the same area either then or at other times. If there were, and noting I’d probably back off in the end, I’d have challenged the manager to stop them too. If not prepared to do it, that would be (reverse) sex discrimination & I’d point out they could find themselves at the end of a sex discrimination claim (at least here) & perhaps they should consider whether they want that grief

Not quite the same & in short. Had a situation around a ship pool deck of being told in front of everyone & less than subtly, I couldn’t at lunchtime sit and eat at a table in a swim brief that was pretty modest but of course the exception to the ubiquitous daggy board short (less than a metre from where people were swimming, sun baking & drinking/eating in sun loungers). After a tense stand off about the ridiculous nature of the request in the circumstances of the pool deck, I complied after being assured by the staff member who ticked me off he would equally do the same if a woman sat down to eat at a table in a swimsuit

No prizes for guessing what happened next. Following day at lunch, a woman seats down to eat in a swimsuit. Same staff is watching & does nothing. Couldn’t help myself. Went up to him & pointed out the dishonesty the day before, the hypocrisy & (reverse) sex discrimination. I insisted they either enforce the supposed policy or I wouldn’t be complying in future. I did so with a request they do it discretely, not make a fuss & certainly not make it obvious I had complained - after all, I would not have complained but for their supposed equally applied swimwear ‘policy’. In the end the staff did make the woman dress but only after making it very plain I had complained. Needless to say the staff got a very poor rating & feedback on their ‘policy’. My punishment was I had to suffer the obvious displeasure of the staff member & of a number of passengers for whom women in a skimpy swimsuit at a lunch table was acceptable but not a male

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The New York Times published an article last week about American sauna culture. (Here’s the archive.today link to get around the paywall.) While it doesn’t mention thong swimwear, I think the attitude they describe significantly contributes to people’s discomforts about minimal swimwear (not to mention nudity) in saunas.

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I almost had a complaint while swimming laps last night. My gym is an adult only pool. Signs all over that persons under 18 are not permitted in the pool area. When I joined, I asked the manager if thong swimwear was allowed since it was an adult only pool. He said that as long as it was made for the water and had full frontal coverage, it wasn’t an issue. So I’ve been swimming laps in my thong ever since. Last night a woman showed up with her son, whom I’m assuming was 10-12. They shared a lane together. She didn’t complain to anyone but she kept giving me the evil eye. I left at 50 laps instead of my usual 64. I didn’t say anything because I don’t want to be a complainer but she def didn’t want me there. In hind sight I should have probably stayed.

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