Why Don't You Just Say, "No Thongs Allowed"?

General
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Autumn weather has arrived in the Pacific Northwest, which means outdoor swimsuit season is over until next summer. While there are plenty of indoor pools and spas, finding out whether they permit thongs is next to impossible.

Some forum members have had success at community pools, but I’ve found, frustratingly, that most facilities near me lack a published dress code, relying instead on unwritten social expectations. Direct inquiries don’t offer much clarity, either. Pool managers repeatedly state that they don’t have a formal dress code while strongly hinting that thong swimwear might not align with their modesty standards:

As a family-friendly facility, this has never been an issue at our pool, so we do not publish a dress code.

We’re a family-friendly pool and don’t have a strict dress code, but we do require appropriate swimwear. We ask that guests use their best judgment based on their activity and mindfulness of others using the space.

Because we are a public facility used by families and children, we recommend our participants wear bathing attire that is opaque and does not expose private body parts.

I understand the need for management discretion. Writing a policy that covers every scenario is difficult, and a swimsuit that seems fine in theory might prove problematic in practice. However, relying on broad guidelines filled with subjective terms like “appropriate,” “family-friendly,” and “private parts” or failing to post a policy altogether places unreasonable expectations on patrons and leaves staff with no clear standards to reference.

This doesn’t seem to be a problem everywhere. Vancouver clarified its pool attire policy a few years ago for this exact reason. Many other facilities provide unambiguous guidelines, and if those rules are missing or unclear, staff answer inquiries directly:

Please be assured that your choice of swimwear will not be judged by staff unless it poses a safety concern or results in exposure of genitalia.

We require proper swim attire to swim in our facilities: this means no loose, cotton, “street’ clothes, or underwear. Basically, if it [is] made to swim in, we allow it.

It really isn’t hard to prohibit minimal swimwear in a non-discriminatory way: No thongs, g-strings, or overly revealing attire. Nevertheless, many facilities near me seem extremely reluctant to do so.

What is the attire policy at pools near you? If they don’t have one, do you ask for clarification, or do you just wear a thong and see what happens?

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It’s random anywhere I go and why I just ask beforehand. LA Fitness management said there is no official policy prohibiting them but my main location told me I can’t wear them due to complaints. I switched to cheeky v back bikinis and still got complaints. I now wear regular Speedo and Arena briefs or Amazon brand swim briefs. If I go to a couple other locations I wear thongs and no complaints.

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Be that guy who hangs out and complains if a woman shows up in a thong and doesn’t get called out for it. :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

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I used to think that way and trying my best just to walk away. There is way too much negativity these days. Instead, I would have a conversation with any woman wearing thongs and see if they would vouch for any man wearing them. We need to move the bar forward.

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Facilities with clear policies either ban thongs or tell complainers that the dress code allows them. An enforceable policy acts as management’s shield. It moves the debate away from personal judgment and grounds it in actual rules. The person complaining might still be unhappy, but management accepts that reality.

The real problem is facilities with vague, unenforced rules. As long as no one complains, management does nothing. But the moment someone speaks up, they make it a priority to quiet the complaint rather than fix the gap in their policy.

It’s absurd how resistant some businesses are to establishing clear rules, especially those trying to cash in on the open-minded vibe of the wellness community while catering to a more conservative clientele. They want the reputation of a relaxed, anything-goes environment, but with an unwritten expectation that clients (especially men) dress modestly. One such place admitted they had no rule against thongs and didn’t enforce a dress code for anyone else, yet they asked me to change simply because I was a recognizable regular and another customer complained after her son saw me.

Like @XM2212 said, I don’t think it’s constructive to point out the double standard, and doing so has never worked in my favor. There’s power in numbers, though. If facilities want to have a relaxed policy, it’s much harder for them to single people out if a larger portion of their patrons wear thongs.

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Sam I think you have discovered a major issue in 21st century society that goes far beyond swimwear…and that is a total reluctance to make a decision on anything. This dithering indecision has crept into every aspect of our culture. Now that you’ve seen it in the issue you’re posting about, you’re going to see it everywhere, I promise. People today are terrified to make a decision and the commit to it. For anyone else reading this, if you find yourself in that spot, and it’s up to you make a decision on something, don’t kick the can down the road…make a decision and stand by it. It’ll put you in the .5% of people and you’ll be glad you did it.

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Just a thought, perhaps the indirect way of updating policies is to normalize retail stores to carry thongs. Womens thongs can be purchased at nearly all major retail stores.

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Bearing in mind that it’s written by someone promoting their aquatics operations consulting business, this is an interesting take on the problems with terms like “family-friendly.”

“Family Friendly” Is A Loophole, Not a Policy

Here’s the deeper problem with “family friendly” as a standard: it has no fixed content. It means whatever the person enforcing it decides it means, in the moment, based on their own comfort. That’s precisely why it’s useful to facilities that want to restrict things without writing down an actual restriction. A specific rule such as no thong-style bottoms, no PDA beyond hand-holding, all caregivers may assist any child regardless of gender can be evaluated, applied consistently, and challenged if it’s unfair. “Keep it family friendly” can’t. It shifts based on who’s looking, who’s complaining, and who the staff member enforcing it does or doesn’t feel comfortable defending.

Vague standards don’t distribute discomfort evenly. They tend to fall hardest on whoever already attracts the most scrutiny: larger bodies, queer couples, trans people, caregivers who don’t match the “default” pairing of parent and child. A vague rule isn’t a gentler rule. It’s a rule that lets bias operate without ever having to state itself.